No matter how many times you read about the procedure in your text-book, you can never be prepared for it. I had to take Mrs. Khosa into an empty room in the ICU department. It was my first actual day of practical training. It just so happens that I had to experience my first death on that day too! I was completely terrified. The charge sister, Sr. Sterile, asked me to do the last offices. She knew full well that I was a pupil nurse with zero nursing experience, but she thoughtlessly left me alone with the body. I felt chills run down my spine and I cried quietly, wishing I could go home. Some of Mrs. Khosa’s beaded jewellery still hung around her neck. I started taking it off as carefully as I could but the remaining beads fell and scattered all over the floor.

My heart jumped and I quickly began to pick them up. I had to get every last bead. It felt important at the time.  She lay there naked and undignified and the beads represented the pride she had for herself. It was a piece of her personality – something that I thought her kids might want. Sr. Sterile caught me gathering beads and sternly told me not to waste time. “Leave the beads alone and start laying out the body!” she ordered. I nodded my head and as soon as she walked out I quickly finished gathering the beads. I couldn’t help but feel tortured. No pupil nurse should have to go through this by themselves on their first day in a real hospital scenario. I couldn’t help but cry while I cleaned the body.  I removed all signs of its personality and covered the many puncture holes with cotton balls and tape, trying my hardest to close shut its stiff jaw. I didn’t have a clue how to get the body into a shroud and I had completely overlooked the important steps of identifying the body and taking thumb prints. Sr. Sterile would crucify me. Thankfully the angelic male nurse came once again to my rescue. He told me that I needn’t worry, I would soon get used to dead people. I couldn’t see that happening. He filled in the steps I missed and helped me tug and push the body around to get it into the body bag. He then told me to leave the body bag open and let the body lay there for an hour before taking her down to the mortuary.

INT.  A DREARY HOSPITAL IN LITTLE TOWN IN SOUTH AFRICA – DAY

It was a Monday morning and I timidly introduced myself to the charge sister. She welcomed me to the ward and told me that I’d begin my day by cleaning and tidying the ward. She barely got the chance to orientate me to the ward and routine when a team of doctors and nurses came bursting through the ICU doors wheeling in a large woman on a stretcher. Something was not right. I sunk back and watched as everything went swiftly into motion. It took a moment for me to realize that I was witnessing a resuscitation.

To my horror I realized the instruction was directed at me! I was a pupil nurse, and it was my first day of training! She might as well have asked someone off the street to assist. I ran quickly to where I thought the meds would be kept and rummaged through the cupboard. Nothing labelled Adrenaline! Panicking and knowing exactly what was as stake for my incompetence, I quickly shouted for help. An angel in the form of a male nurse came to my rescue. He told me not to worry and he quickly grabbed a few bottles labelled ‘Epinephrine’, drew them up and handed them over to the doctor. I felt terrified. Once again I could do nothing but watch her struggle. The patient, Mrs Khosa, an African woman in her late fifties wore traditional African attire, accessorized with beads around her neck and wrists. The nurses and doctors surrounded this lady and pumped her full of drugs and oxygen. She struggled against them, she seemed to be in excruciating pain as they shoved tubes down her nostril and stuck needles in her arms. Her hands were being pinned down to the bed. Tears rolled down her cheeks and I think she realized right then that these were the last moments of her life. She spent her last moments struggling against a team of medical staff that refused to let her rest.

They press the defibrillator to her chest and her body jerks violently. The beads she wore fell apart and rolled all over the green tiles. I watch them fall and roll away almost in slow motion. Her pretty dress tears at the seams.
A bead rolls toward me and stops at my feet. I pick it up and when I look up again, the nurses and doctors have cleared the area. Flat line. She’s gone. Sr. Sterile orders me to move the body into the next room and begin the last offices.

A  beautiful bright full moon shines prettily upon the pitch black sky. I take a deep breathe and smile as I take in the beauty of the world I am living in. It’s full of awesomeness. Real awesomeness in the true sense of the word.  My world! So perfect, so delicious, so grand. A humble abode upon a peaceful mountain combined with the divine company of my love, Josh and our totally bodacious bouncy huskies! I take a sip of red wine and the taste of success teases my lips. But my palms start to sweat, deep down somewhere in my sub-conscience I know that something terrible is about to happen in exactly one minute! I pray for that minute to last an hour. Just let me enjoy the tranquillity of my world a little bit longer? The cool droplets on the wine glass begin to evaporate. Everything around me rapidly breaks apart and dissipates into darkness.

I  jump out of bed to shut that damn cock clock the cluck up! Damn it! It was just a dream. Once again it was just a dream! I look around me. To my relief, not all is lost. Josh and my huskies are there, sound asleep and beautiful. But my world is very different. The ease I felt in my dream is now replaced with dread. I duck under the covers wanting to spend the rest of the day with my babe, insufferably aware that it would not be possible to do so. I had to go be a nurse for the next 12 hours..Oh boy!

[Cue DANGER MUSIC!]